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　　标题：AFieldGuidetoDwellingonYourFailures
　　source：nymag丨ByMelissaDahl
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　　Whensomethingdoesn’tgoright，theusual，understandableinstinctisoftentoforgetit，asquicklyaspossible。Moveon，weadviseeachother。Don’tlookback。Or，asDonDrapermemorablysaid（twice）：Thisneverhappened。Itwillshockyouhowmuchthisneverhappened。Andyet，astemptingasitistothinkofstoicallysoldieringonasthesmartapproachtodealingwithfailure，there’salsoasolidcaseforwallowinginyourmistakes，atleastforatime。
　　ThisisthesubjectofanewbookbysocialscientistBrenBrown，who，inbothherresearchattheUniversityofHoustonandherprevioustwobestsellers，hasencouragedpeopletopracticecourageandvulnerabilityintheirlivessomethingshedefinesasthewillingnesstoshowupandbeseen，withnoguaranteeofoutcome。There’sjustoneproblemwiththiswayofliving。Eventually，you’regoingtostumble，fall，andgetyourasskicked，Brownwritesinherlatest，RisingStrong，publishedearlierthismonth。
　　Thenewbookisallaboutfindingawayforwardafteraspectacularfailure，andit’sdrawnfromqualitativeresearchthatis，lengthyinterviewsdonewiththousandsofprofessionals，includingwithleadersatcompanieslikeMicrosoft，Pixar，Facebook，andtheBMelindaGatesFoundation，amongothers。It’snotaneatandtidyprocessonthecontrary，it’smessyandoftenawkward。
　　Braveryandcouragearemuchmorepleasantsubjectstodwellonthanscrewupsandstumbles。ButI’mlearning，Brownwrites，thattheprocessofstrugglingandnavigatinghurthasasmuchtoofferusastheprocessofbeingbraveandshowingup。Here，ScienceofUshasroundedupsomeofthemosthelpfulandinterestingpointsfromherbookaboutthatprocess。
　　Getcuriousaboutthereasonswhyyoufailed。Takeagood，longlookatwhateveritisthat’smakingyoufeellikeafailure。Exploreitfromasmanyanglesasyoucan，andaskyourselfquestionsaboutituntilyougetabetterhandleonwhathappened。Inpractice，Brownwrites，thisusuallymeansthatshehastotakeadeepbreathandthinkthroughquestionslike，What’satstakeifIopenmyselfuptoinvestigatethesefeelingsandrealizeI’mmorehurtthanIthought？Or，Whatifshe’snotreallytoblameandIwaswrong？
　　Thisisanexercisethatcansometimesberatherunpleasant，becauseyouverywellmightnotliketheanswersyoucomeupwith。（Whatifyourcoworkeronawaypastdeadlineprojectreallyisn’tfullytoblame，andyou’repartoftheproblem，too？）It’ssomethingBrowncallsthereckoning，usingthetermthewayit’susedinnavigation：Deadreckoningistheprocessofcalculatingwhereyouare，shewrites。Withoutreckoning，youcan’tchartafuturecourse。Intherisingstrongprocess，wecan’tchartabravenewcourseuntilwerecognizeexactlywhereweare，getcuriousabouthowwegotthere，anddecidewherewewanttogo。
　　Learnhowtobeokaywithanuncomforprocess。Amongthemanyappealsofquicklymovingonfromasetbackisthatitallowsyousomecertaintyyouquicklycometoaconclusionaboutwhatwentwrong（yourbosskilledtheprojectyouslavedoverbecausehe’sajerk！Andthisjobisdumb，anyway！），andthenyougettomoverightalong。Sittingwithyourscrewupforaminute，ontheotherhand，doesn’tallowforthoseeasyanswers，therebyforcingsomeuncertaintyintoyourlife。Andmostpeople，theresearchshows，donotlikeuncertaintytaketheclassic1960sstudythatfoundpeoplewouldrather，forsure，receiveanelectricshocknowthanmaybegetonelater。
　　Butinherresearch，Brownhasfoundthatthepeoplewhoareabletoreboundfromafallaretheoneswhoallowthemselvestodwellinthediscomfortofuncertaintyforawhile，investigatingbothwhatwentwrongandtheirfeelingsonthesubjectforsometimebeforereachinganunhurriedanswer。Curiosityisashitstarter，shewrites。Butthat’sokay。Sometimeswehavetorumblewithastorytofindthetruth。Aftersomehonestthoughtandtoughconversations，youcanidentifywhatwentwrong，whattochange，and，finally，howtomoveahead。
　　Don’tmistakeonejerk’scriticismforfailure。Brownnowhastwobestsellersunderherbelt，butshecouldn’tevenfindanagentwhowasinterestedinherfirstbookaboutherlife’swork。Sosheselfpublishedit，backinthedayswhenselfpublishingwassomethingmostpeoplewereveryskepticalabout。Inherlatestbook，sherecountsthestoryofacolleaguebackthenwhotoldherheenjoyedherbook，andwantedtoknowhowtoorderitforuseinoneofhisclasses。Whenshetoldhimshehadselfpublished，heimmediatelylostinterest。Ireallycan’taddavanitypublishedbooktomysyllabus，sheremembershimsaying。
　　Oof。But，shewritesnow，whenyoufeelstungbycriticism，makesuretoconsiderthesource。BrownreturnsseveraltimestoaTeddyRooseveltquote：Thecreditbelongstothemanwhoisactuallyinthearena，whosefaceismarredbydustandsweatandblood。Sheusesthistomakethepointthatfeedbackcanbeavaluabletoolforevaluatinghowyou’redoing，andwhatyoucandobetter。Butnotalways。Alotofcheapseatsinthearenaarefilledwithpeoplewhoneverventureontothefloor，Brownwrites。Theyjusthurlmeanspiritedcriticismsandputdownsfromasafedistance。Somefeedbackisworthmorethanothers，andnegativefeedbackitselfisn’tasignoffailure。